Aaj ke Mukhya Samachar

Meri Maa Hamesha kehti hai, ki Kitna alag tha unka bachpan, 35 ke umar mein Nargis Mother India bani, Aur aaj kal sabko hero hi rahna, even if he is Pachpan.. Waheeda Rehman ne “Pyaasa” mein, sirf Apni aankhon se duniya ko maara, Ab to Katrina ki kamar na dikhe, Distributor to bhookha hi mare bechaara.. Laxmikant Pyarelalji ke madhur saaz , Rafi aur Kishore ke aavaz suhaane, Aaj kal Sameer jaise lyricist hain, aur sadele rap ke bina kaise hove khatam gaane?? Pehle tha sirf humaara Doordashan, raat ko “chitrahaar” dekhke so jaana.. Aaj kal Hindi sunne bhi na aave, Reality Shows ke karvat shabdon ka hai zamaana.. Aaj kal “Kingfisher Deccan” zyaada chale,kisi ko na jaana in apni comfortable rajdhaani, Energy ke liye peete hain Gatorade, kya bhool gaye sab log Glucon-D with paani?? Kingfisher aur Royal Stag ka zamaana gayaa beta, sab ko chahiye nashaa foreign, Teamwork gayaa khadde mein, haare to “Ur fault”, jeete to “Mere Kaaran!!”.. Bacche aaj kal “Wassup Dude” chillaye, Namaste bolne ki...

Well, The twilight Series is pretty hot right, Even In India.. Those Really good looking kids playing “Vampires” remind me of the good old days with "Buffy-The Vampire Slayer” and then that Show “Angel” that has the “Bones” guy… Good Stuff!! So before the new Twilight movie (New Moon!! amazing link up play with the words in my opinion, better than Liverpools at the moment), in a method inspired by “The Late Show with David Letterman” ( Yes, “inspired”) I bring you my Top 10 reasons for quitting my Vampire Mutilating Job.. 1) Buffy Quit, no more eye candy at our Month end meets.. 2) The Pay is atrocious!! Plus Halloween comes just once a year, so the vampire fangs I collect to sell in the black market during that time tend to rot after a while. 3) They have blue blood, after slashing them when it sprays across the room it tends to take away my sense of achievement. Red is a lot more Motivating!! 4) There’s only one weapon to kill them u know, the Cross with a spike at the bottom, ...

Wonder how these Love song guys always know what to say.. I really thought Richard Marx & John Mayer were actually pretty gay.. I thought they write that bullshit because of what it paid.. As a grew up I realized it’s only coz it gets them laid.. It’s about time I “got some”, I don’t have much to live.. If you bought the corny line above, Babeh I’ve got a lot to “give”.. The coolest thing about a love song is the sexy slow start.. How am I to get in the mood when my inspirations are Cartman & Bart? I’m sure my lack of “love” shall cause my divorce.. Only my Mom once told me she loved me, n even that seemed forced.. I need some sexy tune to make them run around with me by the trees.. Screw that, it’s tiring, I just need something to get them on their knees.. I’ll need to learn to sing, learn the sexy art of crooning… But I really don’t know why I’ve to screw my throat, just to hear some moaning.. Play some chords from one song, steal some words from the other one.. Yup, that’s i...

It’s been close to about 3 months since I’ve written anything.. Lot’s of crap has happened in between, Britney Spears has lots oodles of weight just to gain it right back again, I’ve grown a year older, Jaswant Singh has managed to become the coolest old dude in India, n Liverpool has already lost 2 out of it’s first 3 matches!!! (long season to go, still hoping for a miracle) but frankly the reason y I’ve been “away” is very simple.. I suffer from “Not – Obama” Syndrome. Unlike him who’s got everything going for him – Well, Leader of the free world, Fashion icon(???), n most importantly, he’s black, so he can say & “Wassup Nigga!!” even on Live TV without the risk of being arrested, while my life is pretty much.. sssllllloooooowww.. I’ve tried to actually come up with reasons for this delay n most of them are pretty cool. I’ve tried to hide this long enough but I guess it’s about time I mentioned the truth, the whole truth n nothing but the truth, so here goes… I’m dating Mega...

The television is by far the greatest of God & Man’s greatest Joint-account creation and is so diverse that it easily surpasses America as the land of Opportunities, by an extension cord. But that’s not my point, my beginnings rarely are, instead I’m here to let u know about one of the greatest money spinners of all time – a point to be noted to future producers everywhere on how to make a great TV show (OYE Filmy pls take note) and in turn earn millions thru ppl who’d much rather know what’s going on in someone else’s life than attend court for their own Childs custody battle, but then Satire doesn’t get any better and simpler than a TV show about Friends, u know the likes of How I met your Mother, Scrubs, That 70’s show and well, FRIENDS! I shall now delve into the nuances and utter bullcrap formulae for a successful show. 1) Have atleast 1 hot girl in the group: This is the simplest Lesson.. No matter how many “self enhancing Surgeries “ are required to get the desired effect on...

I’m bored.. really really bored.. I got absolutely nothing 2 do, so I’m gonna do what every other person who’s most important activity of the day is just waking up to go relieve themselves does.. I’ll write a book on how to “Better your Life”. What I now present to you is how to make ur life more important, better, let’s say “an experience to behold”.. life’s hard u know, so let’s make it worth living, let’s make it.. like mine.. :P ( I apologize for blatantly molesting the title of a very famous self help book, but as u will see below, plagiarism is something I highly endorse, n it’s bloody effective, just ask Anu Malik & Pritamda!! Let’s see if u can guess how much stuff I’ve “been inspired from”) The first lesson in life : People are strange, when ur a stranger:::::: The Doors have inspired my 1st life lesson, know more people, it’s fun. U’ll always find out there are some people who’s life’s really really sad!! But then u’ll find out that some people have a better life than urs...

I have a very faint idea of how my childhood was like, not coz I have had too much to drink once I’ve grown, or that I was being beaten up so much my brain has just blocked that very tumultuous stage of my life for good. It’s just that my childhood was just that bloody uninteresting!! I don’t recollect doing anything of basic importance (not that u have either, avid reader) but since I seem to have accomplished so much now ( me being modest) I really think I should’ve bloody done something better than sit at my neighbors house playing on the computer all day, even doing something as interesting as playing Prince or Persia…2. But then it all came back to me, it’s not the stuff I did outside of school but probably in recess during school that’s made my life this crappy!! These things we so beautifully reminisce as Childhood games were the root cause of all evil & destruction in my life!! Now I know y I look like those centerpiece balloons at a kids Bday party – fat and ready to burst...

You must’ve heard the overused phrase, “My Group is perfect”. Well it’s not actually a phrase but I tried to come up with a better start & I couldn’t, really, so I intend to start by saying “My Group is perfect”. (Pls don’t ignore what I’ve written below based on this start, really, I’ve taken lotsa pains to do this!! Thanks) I mean most of u guys have 1 funny guy, 1 go-to guy (what the hell is that btw?). But my group, it’s got multiple people filling multiple roles, beautifully synchronized. Weird bunch of people I tell u, but Perfect!! Let’s start with the best one- Rojnikant . Not only coz he bears striking resemblance to the Famous actor, but he’s capable of doing everything that the maharathi can & sometimes even stuff he can’t!! He’s the most colorful guy ever; n I’m not talking about just his shirts. Was busy for a while, but now that he’s absconding from work he’s down more often, so more mazaa. Thank God it’s not Herpes!! Hehe. This guy comes up with verbal gems, from...

Besides realizing from the above quotation that “Borat the movie” – I like! It’s just to bring to your notice that there’s something in common about a plan that me n my friends make about going karting, or bowling, or a movie followed by dinner… It’s quite simple actually -eventually it just doesn’t happen!! I mean even the law of averages favours the luckless sometimes n it rained in Champaran after God alone knows how many years to allow people to make money after the English had just saved them the embarrassment of paying “Teen guna Lagaan” ( It’s been ages n those Goras still bloody keep losing!! Come On Windies!! 2 more tests to go!!) But Seriously there does seem to be some divine force from above that just sees to it that our once gleefully gleaming eyes go red with rage ( I don’t blame God alone, I blame you too – You know who u are!! I can sense your Conscience pricking you!!! Guilty!! ) I always treat happiness as the greatest ever sadist. Coz once you're filled with it ...