Chicken poop, on ur sole..

I’m bored.. really really bored.. I got absolutely nothing 2 do, so I’m gonna do what every other person who’s most important activity of the day is just waking up to go relieve themselves does.. I’ll write a book on how to “Better your Life”. What I now present to you is how to make ur life more important, better, let’s say “an experience to behold”.. life’s hard u know, so let’s make it worth living, let’s make it.. like mine.. :P
( I apologize for blatantly molesting the title of a very famous self help book, but as u will see below, plagiarism is something I highly endorse, n it’s bloody effective, just ask Anu Malik & Pritamda!! Let’s see if u can guess how much stuff I’ve “been inspired from”)

The first lesson in life : People are strange, when ur a stranger::::::
The Doors have inspired my 1st life lesson, know more people, it’s fun. U’ll always find out there are some people who’s life’s really really sad!! But then u’ll find out that some people have a better life than urs.. but still, the fact that someone’s life sucks is more liberating, in fact it let’s u forget u suck 2 :). However this does not mean I endorse saying hi to everyone on the street (that “free hugs” campaign was bullshit, no one hugged me, but the chamat’s came raining in) or sending “wanna be friends” scraps on Orkut but instead actually getting up off ur ass, going places, meeting people and Talking!!! Make a network especially Hotel waalas (free food), it tends to pay off eventually.

Lesson 2: What, Me worry?
Don’t fret for everything yaar. If that Mad Magazine guy with Big ears, a pock marked face, n a huuuuuge gap between his teeth does not worry about the heave cosmetic & dental bill he is likely to endure once he reaches the “ I need women, bye bye Mom” phase comes along then come on, whoever u r, ur life sucks less. If watching Crappy “Dude, where’s my Car?” type movies has taught me anything is that eventually the dumass who takes absolutely no tension in his life will definitely make no money ( or probably end up with a bag filled with money from Some gay mafia, but that’s a rarity), but he’ll get a hot girlfriend.. I’ll take the risk. My father’s got money. Good times. Anyways where do I pull the line n worry?? Say I’m late for a meeting with the eminent Mr. Gates aboard his private jet n I’m running late I’d rather b stuck in traffic than worry n risk a red light n get a scratch or worse on my Vintage Aston Martin.. Rite ;) ?? Bill thodi mere car repair ka bill bharega?? But then suppose I screwed around with Mussolini’s daughter n some untoward incident happens, that’s when I worry. I don’t like the idea of getting castrated :P.

No 3: Ur brains Important, invest wisely, use less.
The Brain needs to be appreciated, u can’t use it for 24 hours and expect it to still b happy. It’s got a life of it’s own, it wants excitement, it requires rest. So I suggest, u use it for 8-12 hours, the rest of the time let ur brain sleep. Let the Dum part of u come out, speak utter crap. N if ur slapped once in a while, no problem, ur brain will then realize ur useless without it. ( I just made my brain work overtime to write this- gonna prove costly). My good friends Cheech & Chong in their Epic 1977 movie “Up in Smoke” came up with the most awesome dialogue to get my point across articulately when just after smoking some heavy Labrador processed weed Chong says the 4 words that changed my life forever~ ~ ~ ~ ~ “HEY!! Mellow Out Man!!!!”.~ ~ ~ And I was a Man converted.

Lastly Message No 4: I’m King!!
Anyone other than me is not important other than when I want him/her to be. ( Samjha?). Simply put, I give attention only if I see something positive come out of it either personally, professionally etc etc . The higher ur nose is above the ground, the lesser is the stench you smell, provided your feet are still on the ground. Or else u fall flat on your face (See the profound knowledge u get by putting lesson 3 to use). It’s not always u get 2 be king rite, other than in ur own head, udhar to apna hi monopoly hai na, so rule!! N if somebody’s taking the spotlight, think of urself as those dayaalu type kings who doesn’t chop that peasants head off but instead lets him have his moment – only to chop his head off later when no one’s watching. Very Regal!!

Well, this is less of a book but more of a flip through Manual, but I’m not yet old so by the time I grow up I intend to have more “life lessons”, probably 2 more, that’s as much as my teeny-weeny brain can process. Live life by these rules n something’s bound to happen, either u’ll get attention, or pity sympathy. But something’s better than being obscure, just the fact that u read this whole thing means that u agree with me somehow or else I’ve forced u too. Which means my Kingly capabilities have succeeded.. again. I pulled u all towards the “lifeless peoples” category. Ha Ha!! Deepak Chopra, eat ur heart out, there’s a new brainwashing Indian in town!! Let me end by simply stating by far the greatest dialogue ever quoted in The History of Cinema by Triumph The Insult Comic Dog “ This was a pretty nice blog…. For me.. to poop on!!”.. The end

Ur King...
Joey – The only!!