When we were young... We were pretty lame!!

I have a very faint idea of how my childhood was like, not coz I have had too much to drink once I’ve grown, or that I was being beaten up so much my brain has just blocked that very tumultuous stage of my life for good. It’s just that my childhood was just that bloody uninteresting!! I don’t recollect doing anything of basic importance (not that u have either, avid reader) but since I seem to have accomplished so much now ( me being modest) I really think I should’ve bloody done something better than sit at my neighbors house playing on the computer all day, even doing something as interesting as playing Prince or Persia…2. But then it all came back to me, it’s not the stuff I did outside of school but probably in recess during school that’s made my life this crappy!! These things we so beautifully reminisce as Childhood games were the root cause of all evil & destruction in my life!! Now I know y I look like those centerpiece balloons at a kids Bday party – fat and ready to burst any second!!
U’ve played these games too, so u know what I’m talking about, mourn with me!!

1) Hops & Bats: if it wasn’t for this game then I’m sure I would’ve been at least 6 feet tall (genetically short- my ass!!) I mean being hit on the back by people who are bigger than me every single day whether I sit or I stand has to have some sort of effect on me.. it damaged by backbone, where my Pituitary gland is based and has thereby stunted my growth ( I’m sticking to this explanation) I’m sure this game was either designed by the scheming Mr. Hitler or By Mr. Wile-e-coyote (of RoadRunner fame, beep beep). But I must admit this game is kinda fun- especially when ur the beater upper rather than the beater uppee.

2) STD: This was a fun game Stare, Truth, Dare. Whoever came up with the name has to be a linguistic genius. He made us aware of grown-up crap at a very small age but just used the wrong medium. Imagine the horror on my Mother’s face when she asked me what I was upto n I reply – “I’m coming up with some nice stuff for STD,” when all I was doing was making up weird questions. I’m the only living individual who has been baptized twice, once out of Compulsion, n again because my mother felt the devil found a source back to me.

3) Land & Water: somehow running across the street between two buildings when cars were whizzing by was less riskier than being touched by the one who has “the den” (another crappy Childhood term). I survived being run over by an Esteem, a Honda City and was even spared the shame of being crushed by a Maruti 800 (I’m sure the Times of India wouldn’t even waste time printing an obituary for me, instead they might even ridicule me for not dying under a better Vehicle.) But it's my great priviledge to inform you that this game has made a go-getter and very diligent, coz once i got "the den", i never let go of it !!

4) Queen of Sheeba : this is the game to blame for Men being headless chickens after marriage!! Imagine u being told right from a young age by a Girl (sometimes even young boys who’d love to be; “Queen Sheeba”- for Girls and Queens alike ) that they want “ X amount of this and Y amount of that and like a fly to that UV light fitted Flykill U plunge head first to get it, mostly to be told all u get is 1 point in return, n that u need a lot more to win ( This is also the reason why men barely “get any action” and also how the phrase “play hard to get” was coined)

Now after ridiculing the games I enjoyed abundantly but now that I don’t play them (only coz no one calls me to play nowadays) I shall now backlash on some other hapless souls – school phrases!!

1) Katti – 1 word, just one word, n so many different expressions came to the fore. Anger, Jealousy, Pride, n also the fact that no word can get any stupider. Every child has used this word a minimum of 17 times in their lives (me 117) to break those unbreakable Childhood bonds of Friendship. The funniest aspect, yet most important was the sign that represented this all-binding word, the Pinky finger. So suppose I had to tell someone sitting 6-7 rows in front of me during a lecture that I no longer appreciate his friendship, my teacher would turn to me and embarrass me by shouting “ Sure Son, u can go pee”

2) Mirror in the middle – This phrase denotes superhuman capabilities, and when we were kids was the equivalent of “the perfect verbal comeback”. Imagine someone was abusing me, or saying something unpleasant about me, all one had to say was Mirror in the middle and Voila, miraculously the offending party would now transform to the offended party (which would in turn result in more abuse, mostly physical) But after the bruising I could walk away with one black eye n without 2-3 milk teeth knowing that I won the verbal battle atleast (or Did I?)

3) God Promise – U know why they say Kids are the Spawn of Satan? It’s because of this!! Every child has lied blatantly and clenched their adam’s apple proclaiming “God Promise, I didn’t do it”. Don’t blame Global warming on those bechaara Industrial Pollutants or those Harmful Gas Guzzling vehicles, I’m sure they all have people at higher posts going “No, I’m not screwing the Environment, God Promise”. N as u can expect, God’s really pissed off, his copyright image is taking a beating after all so he's taking revenge, while the root cause of destruction i.e. kids roam the earth freely, let’s start a movement n beat them up or atleast make them suffer by not offering to buy them the latest Playstation games, That’ll teach them!!!

4) I’ll box You – this phrase actually didn’t strike me until 3-4 days ago when a friend said this to me online (Some kids just don’t grow up!!) and it conjured a very “Itchy n Scratchy” moment in my head –those cartoons in “the simpsons”- where I’m in a factory n a couple of people n chopping n slicing me to make sure I fit in a box. N what it’s actually supposed 2 signify is that I shall be punched, in the face. Where’s the resemblance?? Point is there isn’t any. Why?? Coz it was coined (and in the above case –still used) by a kid and Kids are dum. Disclaimer- The above phrase is a copyright of Ms. Mango Lover & is not be used by anyone above 15 years of age or one who has a reputation to uphold in society, if u do, then Ms. Mango lover shall see to it, personally, that she boxes u ; Dishoom!!

Well I’m sure I sounded like quite a mercenary by making all these statements above but the truth is I wouldn’t have it any other way, n I hope ur kids do this too, n I hope they enjoy it, otherwise they’ll end up as useless bloggers in society. Case and Point – Me a.k.a Sustad Joe.

I know I haven’t written as much as my last blog, I didn’t wanna spoil u people. Too much of a good thing can b a bad thing (there, my self esteem’s back). But if you have any more games to write about, pls let me know, I shall write about it. Or if you have something 2 write about, even better, let’s make this blog participatory :P, I tend to get bored too u know ;)

Walk on. LFC.
-Joe