The Womens day article

We’re Indians, besides my uncanny ability to point out the obvious, I would also like to point out, that by default we have Indian values (demure attitudes yet perennially raised eyebrows & of course, projectile spitting), which have restricted our approach towards women. We know of them as Freedom fighters, Space travelers etc. however somehow, Society still brands them as the weaker sex. The Travesty of it I tell you. Society should bow down before her Might. You disagree eh?? (affix tight slap here). You want Proof? (2 more slaps) I’ll give u 4, mytho style!! Pay close attention minions!!
1) Goddess Roadvati : She’s above the road, i.e. The rules of the road are not for her. She’s allowed to cross the streets without a care in the world, cell-phone in hand. The mere fact that she’s conversing indicates the urgency of the matter, didn’t u read the “Women Crossing” pamphlet in Driving school you imbecile!! If you dare hit her, accept your fate from her faithful followers (read roadside chappris), & if she ends up with even a scratch, you’ll be castrated before you can even say “No! I might need that some day!!” Those ads promoting SUV’s as Rulers of the road should be sued for false advertising, that’s a title reserved for Women. (Some eventually begin to resemble SUV’s, but that’s a different matter)
2) Goddess Terigalti: If in a relationship, admit one thing, you’re male, so there’s no argument, it’s your Fault!! You’ve kept the Toilet seat up, your fault! & then you argue that she should put it down?? You wretch!! You deserve those laser beams shooting from her eyes for being stupid enough to even consider her making an effort. Melt Scoundrel!!! Unwritten Rule in Darwins theory of evolution- “The length of your relationship is inversely proportional to the time the male takes to admit & plead forgiveness”.
3) Goddess Rangbirangi: Just because they taught you only the 7 colours of the rainbow doesn’t mean those are the only 7 colours in the World, you monochromatic Male!! You think there’s just red eh?? Nope, it branches out into Rose, Burgundy, Scarlet, Vermillion etc. Stop wasting all your time on Facebook, Wikipedia those colour variants, that’s your homework for the chapter on “Relationship”. If you fail, you could be out, Don’t flatter yourself by thinking you’re the only candidate,if you pass, your relationship continues till the next pop quiz, that’s consolation enough. Let’s call this Lesson 1 in the holy grail called Rrelationships”
4) Goddess Mayawati: You think that woman made all those statues to brighten up the streets, Haa, don’t humour me!! It’s based on “Aureolin” rule (the “goldenest” rule,I do my homework), “It’s all about HER”! This is THE rule for masculine survival. If you forget her Birthday, any anniversary, or even the day her pet dog had her first litter, any form of punishment you do receive is insufficient. If she acknowledges you, rejoice!! Repeat this exercise daily; “Forget about me, bolo, how was YOUR day??” & quietly listen to the Hamlet monologue she has to unleash, & btw, pay attention, there might be trick questions to answer.
All those Golden words u learnt in school are to be used only in reverence of these Deities. They own the earth, they rule and rock your world!! U, “Male”, is your day (Nov 19) celebrated like theirs?? NO! So sulk in the corner all you want after realizing you’re inconsequential, but don’t forget to get them flowers & a box of chocolates on 8th March, smile wide, & say it with me, “HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY, OH ALMIGHTY ONE!!”


P.S. This post was published in JAM. What was published however was this article-heavily edited. But I thought I'd post the original rough draft I'd forwarded to them.
Enjoy. You're Welcome.

http://www.jammag.com/humerus/new1/nindex1.php?section_id=2&cs=yes&article_id=353