Aaj ke Mukhya Samachar

We’re Indians, besides my uncanny ability to point out the obvious, I would also like to point out, that by default we have Indian values (demure attitudes yet perennially raised eyebrows & of course, projectile spitting), which have restricted our approach towards women. We know of them as Freedom fighters, Space travelers etc. however somehow, Society still brands them as the weaker sex. The Travesty of it I tell you. Society should bow down before her Might. You disagree eh?? (affix tight slap here). You want Proof? (2 more slaps) I’ll give u 4, mytho style!! Pay close attention minions!! 1) Goddess Roadvati : She’s above the road, i.e. The rules of the road are not for her. She’s allowed to cross the streets without a care in the world, cell-phone in hand. The mere fact that she’s conversing indicates the urgency of the matter, didn’t u read the “Women Crossing” pamphlet in Driving school you imbecile!! If you dare hit her, accept your fate from her faithful followers (read roa...

If the Title confuses you then relax, coz it’s a new term that has been given to the age old malady that has been going on for generations on end. It is a condition that generally affects the Heart( source) but then starts spreading to afflict the various other parts of the body, resulting eventually in, Failure of the Brain, i.e. Maximus Stupidus. Ladies n gentleman I present to thee, Love.. In my 21 years of research I have found out that this is by far the most overrated of Diseases, and is easily curable, though it’s preferable if it were Prevented. It has a affliction rate higher than the Common Cold, n causes more physical n mental damage than Prostrate cancer. It is also known in the inner circle as “Ladoo Motichurus, jise ho vo bhi tadpe, jise na ho vo bhi tadpe”. However one of the most lethal aspects about this disease is that if you are affected, n then if the Virus decides to leave ( sometimes, luck permitting) u still end up with “Humiliation Extremus” which is caused by t...

Meri Maa Hamesha kehti hai, ki Kitna alag tha unka bachpan, 35 ke umar mein Nargis Mother India bani, Aur aaj kal sabko hero hi rahna, even if he is Pachpan.. Waheeda Rehman ne “Pyaasa” mein, sirf Apni aankhon se duniya ko maara, Ab to Katrina ki kamar na dikhe, Distributor to bhookha hi mare bechaara.. Laxmikant Pyarelalji ke madhur saaz , Rafi aur Kishore ke aavaz suhaane, Aaj kal Sameer jaise lyricist hain, aur sadele rap ke bina kaise hove khatam gaane?? Pehle tha sirf humaara Doordashan, raat ko “chitrahaar” dekhke so jaana.. Aaj kal Hindi sunne bhi na aave, Reality Shows ke karvat shabdon ka hai zamaana.. Aaj kal “Kingfisher Deccan” zyaada chale,kisi ko na jaana in apni comfortable rajdhaani, Energy ke liye peete hain Gatorade, kya bhool gaye sab log Glucon-D with paani?? Kingfisher aur Royal Stag ka zamaana gayaa beta, sab ko chahiye nashaa foreign, Teamwork gayaa khadde mein, haare to “Ur fault”, jeete to “Mere Kaaran!!”.. Bacche aaj kal “Wassup Dude” chillaye, Namaste bolne ki...

Well, The twilight Series is pretty hot right, Even In India.. Those Really good looking kids playing “Vampires” remind me of the good old days with "Buffy-The Vampire Slayer” and then that Show “Angel” that has the “Bones” guy… Good Stuff!! So before the new Twilight movie (New Moon!! amazing link up play with the words in my opinion, better than Liverpools at the moment), in a method inspired by “The Late Show with David Letterman” ( Yes, “inspired”) I bring you my Top 10 reasons for quitting my Vampire Mutilating Job.. 1) Buffy Quit, no more eye candy at our Month end meets.. 2) The Pay is atrocious!! Plus Halloween comes just once a year, so the vampire fangs I collect to sell in the black market during that time tend to rot after a while. 3) They have blue blood, after slashing them when it sprays across the room it tends to take away my sense of achievement. Red is a lot more Motivating!! 4) There’s only one weapon to kill them u know, the Cross with a spike at the bottom, ...

Wonder how these Love song guys always know what to say.. I really thought Richard Marx & John Mayer were actually pretty gay.. I thought they write that bullshit because of what it paid.. As a grew up I realized it’s only coz it gets them laid.. It’s about time I “got some”, I don’t have much to live.. If you bought the corny line above, Babeh I’ve got a lot to “give”.. The coolest thing about a love song is the sexy slow start.. How am I to get in the mood when my inspirations are Cartman & Bart? I’m sure my lack of “love” shall cause my divorce.. Only my Mom once told me she loved me, n even that seemed forced.. I need some sexy tune to make them run around with me by the trees.. Screw that, it’s tiring, I just need something to get them on their knees.. I’ll need to learn to sing, learn the sexy art of crooning… But I really don’t know why I’ve to screw my throat, just to hear some moaning.. Play some chords from one song, steal some words from the other one.. Yup, that’s i...

It’s been close to about 3 months since I’ve written anything.. Lot’s of crap has happened in between, Britney Spears has lots oodles of weight just to gain it right back again, I’ve grown a year older, Jaswant Singh has managed to become the coolest old dude in India, n Liverpool has already lost 2 out of it’s first 3 matches!!! (long season to go, still hoping for a miracle) but frankly the reason y I’ve been “away” is very simple.. I suffer from “Not – Obama” Syndrome. Unlike him who’s got everything going for him – Well, Leader of the free world, Fashion icon(???), n most importantly, he’s black, so he can say & “Wassup Nigga!!” even on Live TV without the risk of being arrested, while my life is pretty much.. sssllllloooooowww.. I’ve tried to actually come up with reasons for this delay n most of them are pretty cool. I’ve tried to hide this long enough but I guess it’s about time I mentioned the truth, the whole truth n nothing but the truth, so here goes… I’m dating Mega...

The television is by far the greatest of God & Man’s greatest Joint-account creation and is so diverse that it easily surpasses America as the land of Opportunities, by an extension cord. But that’s not my point, my beginnings rarely are, instead I’m here to let u know about one of the greatest money spinners of all time – a point to be noted to future producers everywhere on how to make a great TV show (OYE Filmy pls take note) and in turn earn millions thru ppl who’d much rather know what’s going on in someone else’s life than attend court for their own Childs custody battle, but then Satire doesn’t get any better and simpler than a TV show about Friends, u know the likes of How I met your Mother, Scrubs, That 70’s show and well, FRIENDS! I shall now delve into the nuances and utter bullcrap formulae for a successful show. 1) Have atleast 1 hot girl in the group: This is the simplest Lesson.. No matter how many “self enhancing Surgeries “ are required to get the desired effect on...